Smoking Jerky
Stay tuned. Later I think I'll be blogging about phalluses and phallic symbols.
For now, I'd like to question the reason that no one smokes beef jerky...
Why doesn't anyone smoke beef jerky?
I'd imagine that would taste pretty good, while staving off hunger. I know tobacco fags probably stave off hunger for some more advanced reason, like the nicotene or whatever, but these jerky fags would at least keep you busy.
I think the reason is probably that it tastes too good. Maybe it's a waste to just breathe it when you can swallow it.
STILL, there are so many people that are "social" smokers that don't necessarily care THAT much for the flavor or the buzz. I would think some of those social smokers might rather suck in something that tastes a little bit better. Plus, wouldn't you still get some sort of buzz? At least from depriving your brain of oxygen?
I guess that leads to a whole new question:
Why don't people just hyperventilate using a bag? Skip the possible nausea, keep the slightly woozy.
That leads to another question:
Could a [former] smoker please tell me what you like[d] so much about smoking?
(then we can have a discussion about why, and what alternatives could serve the same purpose.)
For now, I'd like to question the reason that no one smokes beef jerky...
Why doesn't anyone smoke beef jerky?
I'd imagine that would taste pretty good, while staving off hunger. I know tobacco fags probably stave off hunger for some more advanced reason, like the nicotene or whatever, but these jerky fags would at least keep you busy.
I think the reason is probably that it tastes too good. Maybe it's a waste to just breathe it when you can swallow it.
STILL, there are so many people that are "social" smokers that don't necessarily care THAT much for the flavor or the buzz. I would think some of those social smokers might rather suck in something that tastes a little bit better. Plus, wouldn't you still get some sort of buzz? At least from depriving your brain of oxygen?
I guess that leads to a whole new question:
Why don't people just hyperventilate using a bag? Skip the possible nausea, keep the slightly woozy.
That leads to another question:
Could a [former] smoker please tell me what you like[d] so much about smoking?
(then we can have a discussion about why, and what alternatives could serve the same purpose.)
posted by shawn @ 9:08 AM
6 Comments:
At 11:31 AM,
Chris Trumble said…
i believe your sister and alicia smoked tea one time. Coughed for a week I guess.
I used to rip a couple menthol fags every now and again. Maybe a total of 5 fags, with a total of 8-10 rips/fag.
They were offered to me and I didnt care. All in all I hated it though, every rip. That's why I dont even indulge in the occasional cigar or anything. Thats why I personally think that smoking beef jerky should be made illegal due to deliciousness abuse. Also, I want to guess that this post was going to be phallic and you said "whats another word for male fellatio, smokin' pole? smokin' beef? anyway, about smoking beef jerky.
At 12:22 PM,
Jason Zito said…
Chris is utterly hilarious.
Deliciousness abuse. HA!
I am not going to lie. Smoking cigarettes is probably one of the best things in the world. It is relaxing, tastey (once you develope the taste), fun, and you can't deny it just makes you feel cool. Unfortunately, while one is relaxing, tasting, having fun, and feeling cool, there is a good chance that cells in your lungs are mutating into cancer cells, your cilia are dying, and your lung capacity is shrinking, among other things. I'm not going to lie. Smoking cigarettes is one of the worst things in the world.
At 1:20 PM,
shawn said…
Speaking of tasty...I've decided to never drink beer again. It's so funny because I, and most of my friends didn't drink much or at all before coming of age, so I'm just experiencing the peer pressure now--and it's odd that it still happens.
Disclaimer: you 2 don't do this, i don't think.
Well, I've been thinking about how absulotively ridiculous it is that people would encourage me to "acquire the taste." That's different from one broadly saying, "You have to acquire a taste," which is fine.
I'm not even going to get deep into the plain immaturity of peer pressure or the masculinity complex...although that's ridiculous, it's self explanatory.
I'll drink one of those sweet, girly drinks, and someone will look at me with mockery. Oh PLEASE! This really doesn't get to me when it happens, but now, thinking about it, it's almost enragingly annoying. What makes guys think like that? Almost everyone says that it's acquired, so it's not like a real man's supposed to love it at first taste. I think what guys are implying is that a real man does something he doesn't like until he gets used to it.
I know people say that once you get used to it it's so enjoyable, but so is my frickin appletini, and I didn't have to get used to it.
Here's the simple argument that really blows these masculinity-insecure or immaturely-aloof souls out of the water:
You like mountain dew? Oh, you must be more womanly than me. You really need to be drinking this tonic.
End of point.
You can draw all of the parallels yourself. Can you get any more benefit from beer that you can't from a smirnoff? Am I losing variety? Well these people are counting out all these girly drinks, so I'm not missing out on any more variety than they are.
At 10:09 AM,
Chris Trumble said…
Well I guess the campaign for beer would use the same points that you refute. I like beer and I didnt always. I do, for some thick headed reason, think it is inherently more manly than a "fruity" drink. Perhaps it's percieved that way because the forefathers of our country signed the Declaration of Independence and kicked back, put their feet up and quaffed a delicious ale that would put hair on your chest. Meanwhile, in 2006 at a bar-"the man hole" in boystown, chicago, a slim guy orders a round of raspberry spritzers and appletinis. Also in Detroit, 5 guys watching football sample the chestwarming effects of the same ale that both Samual and John Quincy Adams loved, while their wives go to Champps and order the same concoction as the slim guy in a glass with a decidedly feminine shape. All that said, man do I love me a banana daqari, but I chase it with a hearty pint!
At 11:49 AM,
shawn said…
Well said, and well heard. It makes me all the more resilient in my stand against myself drinking beer.
I am completely secure in my manhood. Someone once asked my wife (in front of me) what she thought about me preferring girly drinks, strongly implying that it must be embarassing for her. If I was not embarrassed of myself, he thought maybe she would be.
Disclaimer: I'm pretty confident this person was just joking, but let's pretend he wasn't. (Because it's those kind of people, who aren't joking, that eventually shapes society into thinking that beer is inherently manlier than other beverages.)
If that person were not a beer- drinker yet (in other words, if he were in my shoes), aparently this is a valid doubt he would have about himself. Isn't it much like saying, "If I were in your shoes I would be embarrassed and perhaps afraid of my wife being embarrassed." Like I said, I don't have any qualms about my masculinity, and neither does my wife, so I'm not phased by this question.
I'm not making any assumptions about this person's manhood-security, but it seems to me that anyone who asks this type of question is actually pointing out his own insecurity.
I think the same applies to people who dress/act tough, buy a pit bull because it's a pit bull, etc. and then scoff or attempt to intimidate "lesser" men.
At 12:34 PM,
Chris Trumble said…
I dont know what you're talking about, girlie man. You must be smoking beef jerky. All joking aside, I support your quest to aviod beer. I mean, no one is going to make me eat sushi, and no one will make fun of me for it, because I will literally kill them. *in the last part, the joking wasn't aside*
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