Jason's Mom

I told this story to Jason, but my other readers, namely Chris, hasn't heard it. It will make for a nice short, but amusing, post.

At Jason's surprise birthday dinner with a few friends and family, someone brought up the profession of a fifty-x year old friend of our parents. We'll call him Mr. Spock. Well Mr. Zito went about explaining the line of work, which happened to be writing technical manuals, to Mrs. Zito and whoever else cared. Well his explanation was surprisingly close to what I do every day.

At the end of the explanation, Mrs. Zito looked satisfied, and after a pause, said, "Sounds boring." And then she kind of laughed.
I knocked the proverbial wind out of her by chiming, "That's what I do."

Then I knocked the literal wind out of her, and then Mr. Zito knocked the chicken shwarma out of my hand. Then we sang happy birthday.

Dogs' Thoughts

I like to think about what dogs would think if they actually thought the way we do. I think that would make a pretty good short film. Me just sitting there thinking about that. Silently.

Moving on:
Harley's (A female 9-month German Shorthair Pointer) first toy had a "body" made out of thick rope and the head of a monkey. The monkey-head was a squeeker, and after a couple weeks, I slit his throat to cease the squeek. It didn't take long for Harley to rip off the head, the rubber was pretty thin. Pretend you are holding a racquetball in your closed hand. Thank you. This is about the size of the original monkey-head. After several months (up to sometime this last week), there were unexciting developments. The monkey-head was torn into at most 3 pieces, with the main one maybe 5/8 of the original monkey-head. Even the smaller pieces, for months, were just chewed for a few minutes at a time and then spit out.

On my lunch break I went home to let the dogs outside for the rest of the work-day. I scooped poop since the sun was up. And I'm sure you can guess, the large portion of the monkey-head was wrapped around a nice, healthy t*rd. I imagine it came out as the tail-end, squee-geeing as it went, but that's not the point. The point is that after 8 months of gently or roughly chewing on it, I never caught her gagging trying to get it down. So I wonder if she made a decision...Today's the day. The funny part about this is not what I imagine her thinking, so feel free to imagine it yourself.

We also have a 3 month old pit/lab/beagle/shepherd named Nala. My best guess is that Harley got jealous or nervous about Nala having the delicious piece of rubber, and after all those months of idly chewing, decided that it might be now or never.

(If you're getting tired of this post, read only the first and last few lines of this paragraph.)
Enter Mother-Nature. I buried the poop. And if you've never buried poop, it decays quickly. We have a small patch (16 sq. ft.) that will/could eventually be used as a small garden. The dirt is almost completely clay, so it obviously needs a lot more mulch/leaves/poop/ashes (ooh, i didn't think of ashes yet) to get it ready for plants. What I'm getting at here is that I bury dozens of loads there. I don't remember where I buried the last couple dozen, but when I dig a new hole, there is almost always small pieces that I know is poop in the process of becoming dirt. Another predictable but amazing observation is that since burying poo there, a single shovelful of dirt has at least 3 worms sticking out of it (and those are just the sticking out ones!). In maybe 15 poop holes I've dug there in maybe 5 months, I don't think I've ever uncovered a full t*rd. Well I buried the monkey-head, because I wasn't going to extract it. My point was that nature will completely clean off the monkey-head for me. In a few months, when I chance to dig it up, I will either throw it out or let the dogs find it. I'll tell you more about it when that happens.

Perfect ACT Scores and the Smashing of Faces

So I read this article in the bathroom about the seven metrotroiters that got a 36 on the ACT. Six of them looked like pretty normal kids, if not a little dorky because they're smart.

Well they asked for tips that these kids had for other ACT-takers...and the 7th's tip is: "Don't forget your calculator. I forgot mine and had to do all the math in my head!"
I want to punch that kid. And looking at his picture, you know you want to punch him before you even meet him.

First off, and obviously, his tip sucks. Second, and most importantly, you know he was saying that to point out the fact that he did it without a calculator, and you know he points that out to all the other kids who also want to punch him.

He is an opposite of, but also very similar to, the cool kids who think that you don't like them because you're jealous of them. Now I don't care about the fact that deep down, different people are jealous of different people because of coolness, looks, smarts, athleticism, etc. That is true, but the fact is that this kid, even if he didn't have one special or outstanding quality about him, you'd still want to knock him out. Except that you probably wouldn't because you pity him.

The true disaster is that at least some minority of people on this scale of annoyingness inevitably also are very smart or very "cool" or really really good-looking. And then they have followers or emulators who join in and help to make the world a worser place by being aloof and assuming you don't like them because you're not {blank} enough. If you punched them in the face, you would just help prove their point that you're jealous, but the truth is, you just really don't think their face deserves to go unpunched.

Ethiopian Starvation

http://peacejournalism.com/ReadArticle.asp?ArticleID=2372
Alright guys. Read this and tell me you're not inspired to do something. We need to start raising money. You guys agree? I'm thinking start making flyers/posters (that can be our donation) for our neighborhoods. Make people trust us. If we do this in our own sub, I was thinking about actually having a posterboard on the porch showing how much money was raised, and then eventually show the "receipt" from the UN or whatever, showing the total given.

You can deposit stright to UN OCHA (United Nations Office for the Coordination of Humanitarian Affairs) at Chase Bank (I think). Or, to be more specific, you can donate to the Horn of Africa Drought relief. I just sent an email to UNICEF about how to make specific donations NOT just online by credit card.

So what are your feelings?

Phallics, up to and including Patrick Swayze

Before starting this post, I looked up some spelling, but I didn't go too far into it. So this is what I'm settling on.A phallus is an actual penis or picture of one.A phallic is something that resembles a phallus. like a metaphor.(You can also use the word "phallus" for this last definition, but according to wikipedia, "phallic" is more correct)Plural phallus is phalluses.Plural phallic I didn't find. Phalli apparently isn't plural for phallus, so maybe I'll use that. Or maybe I'll avoid the problem by using phallic symbols. Phinally, maybe I'll use phallics or phallix or phalliz, because this is my blog, and that's what I do. I just rock out however the heck I want.

Here's what I have a problem with: The whole idea of phallic symbols. Now I don't care about the psychology of it and I don't care who Freud is, because that's exactly what I think is so ridiculous.

Skyscrapers: phallics? I don't think so. Practical, probably, but not phallics. Do they represent power and MANLINESS and a huge penis? Maybe they can resemble those things, but that doesn't necessarily mean they're meant to represent those things. Now I'm not getting too psychologically into this. I'm sure you can argue the psychology of phallic symbols pretty convincingly in the right context. It doesn't make sense to build that huge of a building NOT that tall, because you'd take up acres and acres of extra real estate. Would females argue to build the building down into the ground to emphasize womanhood? No, it would be way more expensive and difficult.

It's just that it's so overused and overanalyzed. There's so much that COULD be a phallic symbol, so it doesn't make sense to really look into every possibility too deeply. Let's say a bully walks up to me and haughtily points his finger at my face saying something intimidating like, "You're mine punk, you're MINE!" Should my main concern be the phallic his finger is making? And in his toughness, is he subconsciously trying to act manly by sticking his straight finger in my face? If I was too psychological about it, I would say, "Gross, get that thing out of my face!" I would say, "Are you emphasizing your manhood or compensating for a lack thereof?" Then, when he went to punch me, I would say, "Gross, don't touch me with your arm in that position." Or let's say I had some sense and ran away, would I turn around and observe his legs and arms and say, "Gross, you're going to get arrested for exposing all of those phallics in public!" The smartest thing to do would be to run and forget about the phallics.
This leads to another point.

Using psychology theories, you can discount anything. Who remembers when Donnie Darko was making some good points against Patrick Swayze's character, that the reason the kid doesn't know what to do with his life is that it takes time to figure out and it's not just a result of fear? Swayze's response was to totally discount Donnie by telling him and the whole crowd that he's afraid, and that he just needs love. Meanwhile the crowd hypnotically nods in agreement with Swayze. I just read that Freud was extremely angered by those that disagreed with his theory. Swayze=Freud. And not just because they're killer dancers.

I agree that the phallically obsessed bully I explained earlier probably has a deep-rooted machismo complex (and I just looked up and found out that machismo is and arrogant attitude by men towards women, although the way I'm using machismo here is to describe someone who has an arrogant attitude toward any male who is too far from his definition of pure man), BUT it doesn't mean his pointed finger is subconsciously a phallic. It also doesn't mean that I can completely discount his claim that I'm a "punk."

Let's talk about taxes!

Why do people want to "stick it to the man"? Because they think they're getting ripped off.

Taxes are ridiculous. Now I honestly don't know much about this. I'm sure that when my employer sells something to a customer, taxes must be paid to government. I'm also sure they get some kind of right-off by saying that x% of this income is going to pay our workers, but I don't know how that works.

Either way, my employer pays taxes on this income. Then they write me a check, and the government gets a slice of that. Then I buy something...I pay sales tax! Then the company I bought something from gives those taxes to the government, plus some more for their profit. Then they cut a check to the employees, and it goes on and on and on. Or maybe I go to a doctor, and then he pays taxes on his income, and again, it goes on...

The amazing thing to me is how many times that money is taxed in so short of a time. And I wish I had numbers here because I'm sure they're mindblowing.

And then they go spend it all in a controversial war. I don't think I want to get on the saturated topic of the war at all on this blog, so I'm just mentioning it this once. The point is that they're now rebuilding Iraq after spending billions to destroy it. What about Detroit, etc.? What about schools?

I read a few days ago that 47% of Detroiters are "functionally illiterate."
It would be nice if we had at least some sort of choice. I went to a private school and my parents' and now my taxes are going towards public schools. I'm not upset about that, but it would be nice if I could say I want all my money going to Detroit schools, rather than going towards extra sports fields, pools, and glass roofs at some new flashy high school.

"LOST" Open Forum

Season 3, Episode 1
This post is specifically to discuss LOST.
This has been posted after the first show, and I'll make newer posts after a few episodes if this starts to get too long.
Have at it.

Open Forum

This post is about whatever you want it to be. It's for talking about whatever you want to talk about. If you have something random to say that would be better said/discussed here than in an email (and that doesn't make sense to include in response to one of the other posts), do so here. If it ends up starting a good discussion, I may make it into a new post topic.

Smoking Jerky

Stay tuned. Later I think I'll be blogging about phalluses and phallic symbols.

For now, I'd like to question the reason that no one smokes beef jerky...
Why doesn't anyone smoke beef jerky?

I'd imagine that would taste pretty good, while staving off hunger. I know tobacco fags probably stave off hunger for some more advanced reason, like the nicotene or whatever, but these jerky fags would at least keep you busy.

I think the reason is probably that it tastes too good. Maybe it's a waste to just breathe it when you can swallow it.
STILL, there are so many people that are "social" smokers that don't necessarily care THAT much for the flavor or the buzz. I would think some of those social smokers might rather suck in something that tastes a little bit better. Plus, wouldn't you still get some sort of buzz? At least from depriving your brain of oxygen?

I guess that leads to a whole new question:
Why don't people just hyperventilate using a bag? Skip the possible nausea, keep the slightly woozy.

That leads to another question:
Could a [former] smoker please tell me what you like[d] so much about smoking?
(then we can have a discussion about why, and what alternatives could serve the same purpose.)

Gay People

So I've decided to start reading the Bible to find out what it says about gay people. I'm going to try to find out what really seems God-inspired and what could have been forged by the leaders of the day.

I have an uncle who's gay, and one of my wife's best friends through high school was gay, and our conversations about these two people have made me want to find out how I and Christians/the Church could more fairly approach homosexuality.

One feeling I've had lately is: Let them come to church.
I've gotten the impression from the Net that if an attendee was blatantly gay and chose to keep coming but not repent and start living non-gay, he/she would be asked to leave or change. That is a problem for me. Some might say because of this "blatant sin," that person probably can't even meet with God anyway. But we're all human, and God is gracious. So I've been thinking that if that person was really trying to pursue God, and not any self-interest besides that, that God will reveal Himself, and we shouldn't create a time limit. And if homosexuality is wrong, then God will eventually find some way to convict that person so that they understand.

(Note: Remember that I'm just starting my investigation, I'm not actually stating whether I feel homosexuality is 100% sin or 100% permissible)

I think we need to learn to have peace between Christians and homosexuals, just like we need to learn to have peace between Christians and Muslims. You would invite a Muslim to stay in church, why not a homosexual. But I think for peace, we also need to think about things from every viewpoint. I'm sorry that homosexuals are often turned away from Churches, and I can only imagine how frustrating it would be to try to get involved, in a volutary or paid, low or high position and be told that I'm not allowed. If you were gay and you believed that it was all genetics, you would probably feel as discriminated against as a black person [in some situation that black people have been left out]. That's how you would feel. The truth is, it's not the same. If they eventually prove that it's genetic, and not just a genetic tendency, but actual predestined homosexuality, then it may be the same.

Here's something I can compare it to. Swearing. I honestly don't have a problem with swearing. I know the Bible talks about not cursing or taking the Lord's name in vain, so I don't say "D*** you" (cursing), or "oh my god" (taking the Lord's name in vain). And I don't say f*** because it sounds bad, and it actually annoys me a lot when it's used constantly in movies. Also, "f*** you," could probably be called a curse. I just don't use those because I have no reason to. Here are the funny ones though:
s***
a**
dick
piss
etc. etc.
this list could probably include a bunch of other "dirty" "curse" words that are "bad."
Ok, they're dirty words, but they're just things.
Jesus said the thing about whatever is pure, noble, right.......I forget what else...
I'm sure someone will say that that makes these words bad...

Well they're just words.
Jesus called people "vipers."
Is that really much different from calling them dicks? Haha, maybe it is, but you have to admit that that's funny to imagine.
Maybe "vipers" could be compared to my dad calling anyone who p***es him off, "jerks"
And so is "craphead," "s***face," or anything else like this really that bad?
Now this is not about me,but this might make some good sense. The reason I don't use these words, at least the more offensive ones like s*** and a**, is that I don't want to offend people. And I don't want people who, 1.) Assume these words are bad or 2.) Assume that I should think these words are bad to call me a hypocrite. I think they're wrong in calling me a hypocrite, but I'd rather avoid the issue. I don't want those people to nullify everything else that I say/believe just becuase of some stupid dirty words.

Well that may have seemed like an aside, but this is going to end up being a very simple comparison. Let's say the Net (that's the church I've always gone to, if anyone doesn't know) has a speaker who insists on constantly using these "dirty" "curse" words (barring what I defined as cursing or taking the Lord's name in vain). Now a ton of people in the church think those words are wrong and maybe even "sins." If they don't think that, then at least maybe they don't want their kids to start saying them. Well whether or not these words are bad, that speaker would be asked to change or to stop speaking. Leadership would be worried that people would be offended, maybe some even leaving the church because the new lack of "morals," and therefore missing out on the true purpose of church. Plus it's just a distraction.
Now compare that to having a homosexual pastor or usher or group leader. We don't even have to decide right now whether gayness is a sin or not, the point is, homosexuals should try to understand where the church is coming from when they don't want them in a public position. Leadership doesn't want it make it look like this behaviour is condoned or overlooked. In response, many people from the Net would leave, I know that (or else start some fuss until the person leaves). If a homosexual loves God, they should try to see that this would distract from what church is really about.

I think that church leadership should be able to tell a homosexual who is interested in a public position that they simply think this would be distracting. You don't have to start an argument, just make it clear that a lot of people would have a problem with this, and you want to ensure that the church remains a place where everyone can feel comfortable and welcome. BUT, you are welcome to attend services.